The Ugly Truth About Sex

I came across this article today about how teenagers who take a pledge not to have sex before marriage engage in sex at the same rate as those that don't take such a pledge. This is not a new study, but rather a re-interpretation of a study done within the past couple of years that I can still remember reading about. If I remember correctly, the original study did say that pledged teenagers engaged in sex only slightly less. For context, understand that my fundamentalist upbringing makes be believe that many such pledges occur within a religious context.



But there is a hidden story here. What this tells me is that teenagers desire to abstain from sex will have little impact on their actual ability to have sex. It means that evolutionary-developed drive to copulate is stronger than the will of most.

Alternate Realities

I have no idea what's going on. Either Obama has become completely unglued or Pat Robertson has come completely off the rails because something in the universe just ain't right.

Recall that I come from a fundamentalist background. I went to Jerry Falwell's school so I you'll understand that I am completely perplexed that Robertson states:

• Wants the TARP money used to help consumers/homeowners.
• Calls Bush's handling of several matters including Iraq, Katrina and the economy "terrible" and "unprofessional".
• Says Obama "has the makings of a great president" (qualified by if he continues down his current, middle of the road course).

Now I'll admit that I have been doing some mind-blowing, geeky reading on Quantum Physics and String Theory recently so it is completely possible that I've just been sucked into an alternate universe.

Salem

Recall the witch trials of Salem, Massachusetts. To me this represents a natural inclination within us to eschew that which is different. For group-think to take over. When people are not like us, they become less human. With the loss of their perceived humanity then follows our loss of empathy for them. And yet civilization continues its march. Civilization has required of us extraordinary concessions. Each concession comes as an attempt to allow one to live with the implicit compact that we will be allowed to do the same. The very nature of this compact is that civilization forces us to get to know each other more and more until ultimately the witch is accepted as our next door neighbor.

This is the lens with which I look back to the legacy of slavery and the Jim Crow era. It is by no chance that the developed world has ended slavery just as we have made huge reforms in other areas such as gender-biases, freedom of religion and place of origin.

Which brings me to my point...

The Republicans built their modern-day alignment based on a reaction to the 1960s civil rights movement. It seeked to gain from the fears of "otherness" for electoral gain. Unfortunately, whether by commission or omission, this sentiment remains deeply entrenched in party today. It is no accident that most minorities in this country are Democrats.

And yet I hate this. I hate that my only choice is to either vote Democrat or to vote against my own self-dignity. I wish there was true choice and healthy competition out there in this regard.

But there is hope. It lies in the Republican's shrinking base. As the electorate becomes more composed of the young, which are more knowledged and accepting of differences and minorities, the Republicans will be forced to change. I welcome and look forward to this day. Even now, every few days I peruse Republican Internet sites in search of signs of change. Fortunately there is some chatter on this topic, not yet enough to trigger the change that is needed and ultimately unavoidable. Eventually, we realize that they're not witches. And even if they are... so what.

Postscript: Although I've phrased this as primarily about race, it really about "otherness", which include sexual orientation and other religions. Someday, when the party is less-based upon whom they hate and/or disregard, the Republican party will serve this country better.

Money Isn't Everything

Preferred method of remittance is Paypal. Oh yeah... and say some hail Marys or something.

Asshole

There's nothing I hate more than an asshole. Not the literal kind of course. I can handle people's oddities. I can deal with weirdos. I can sit down with the down-and-out, but I just can't take assholes. For my purposes, an asshole is defined as someone that needlessly, purposely or recklessly causes harm to another. I hate people that mistreat others or talks bad about others.

I say all this because I came across this article today that gives the latest on a former, local judge that definitely deserves to be in the running of the asshole of the year award. This judge sued a local dry cleaners for $54 million because he claims that they lost his pants. The dry cleaner had his pants, but even if they weren't his as he claimed, the cleaner's offer to replace them was declined so that the judge could start a dumbest of all law suites.

Here we are 3 years later and the judge (who subsequently last his job as a judge) is appealing yet again and threatening to go to the Supreme Court. The owners cleaners have had to close 2 stores and lost most of their savings just defending themselves.

Now I'm always one to understand that there are always 2 sides to every story. So event 'til today I continue to read the story, searching for some unseen insight that motivates the asshole. I haven't found anything other than... that he's an asshole. Somewhat in his defense, I'm wouldn't be surprised if the dry cleaners mistreated him when he made his initial complaint, but do you decide that this has gone too far? When do you stop wasting my hard-earned taxes to continue this charade?

Post Script: The man pictured in the picture is poor schmo that just happened to be standing when the photo was snapped and not the referenced asshole.

Ah the Smell of Adams Morgan

I wondered what that rancid odor was that I would smell walking though Adams Morgan this fall season. Mystery now solved. It turns out the be the fruit of female Ginkgo trees. They kind of look like large chestnut/grape -shaped things that fall from the trees. They don't seem to start smelling until someone steps on them and opens them up. The smell is astounding in its power. I wish it smelled like crushed rose petals, but no such luck. It actually smells more like used baby diapers.

Despair

Last night the BF and I went out to Woof, dinner, then Omega. At Omega I met a guy who immigrated from an Islamic country. When he entered the bar he walked directly up to me and told me how "sexy" my shirt was to start conversation. Of course I told him pretty early on that I had the BF.

He's a very good-looking guy, likely to be somewhere around 30 years old. He told me how he only likes black men. He said his first gay experience was with black men and that he's only ever dated black men since. He told me how he had recently just came out ending his prior period of furtive encounters. Remember that the stigma in his part of the world is far greater than it is here. Since coming out he has lost (a) his wife to divorce, (b) his kids to his wife, (c) his house to his kids, (c) parents, (d) grandparents, (e) 58 cousins, (f) job although I didn't quite understand this one and more.

He says that he's given up everything for "one, good, black man". Of course this isn't true. He gave up everything to stop living a lie, nonetheless the desperation and longing of the conversation deeply touched me. There are people that search for their soulmate for their entire life and he's only been out for 2 months. He told me that he's not looking for a big dick, a good fuck, or a one-night stand. Rather, he repeated over and over that he just wants one, good, black man. He even talked about abandoning his religion and being cremated upon his death. I wonder how long it'll be before he gives in to his familial loss and declare himself straight once more.

The saddest thing of all is that it is really difficult to find just one, good, black guy. No... not because he's black, but rather because he's gay. I know that the impacts of culture upon us are grossly understated. It is what makes some blacks internalize inferiority as much as the most ardent racist. It's because they're both watching the same TV shows, movies and reading the same magazines. Well, the same holds true for us gays. We've all grown up in a society that tells us that we are less, inferior and possibly even worthless. Some of us have confronted this and have largely overcome this self-hatred, but many more are still mired neck-deep in it. This is what makes us generally not husband material. That most of us have been more or less damaged by the very society that should have nurtured us.

Fortunately, there are good men out there though. I only hope that my friend finds one. I hope that he is mentally and emotionally ready when he does.

Sexual Racism

I came across a link to a website speaking about sexual racism today and found it to be pretty well-done. I tend not to judge others sexual proclivities since I believe that they can be so complicated that often even we don't even understand why we like what we like. But this site moved my thinking on the issue a little. Perhaps there is something a little perverse about cutting off others even before we've even said "hi". Granted, the online sites that the article speaks tend not to be for casual chit-chat, but still.

Sex and racism aside, I've always greatly believed in the basic principle that positivity is more powerful than negativity. Unfortunately the power in negativity is immediate, so we often think of it as stronger, but positivity tends to alter our mood, our mindset, our happiness and the happiness of those around us. It makes us more likable and attractive. These are more subtle, but stronger. Being positive doesn't mean that we must be pushovers either. I firmly believe that we can ask for what we want and be firm, yet in the nicest way.

Nudism Update

It has been now approximately one year since I first stumbled upon my first nude event and nearly 10 months since my first became active in DC. Having just gotten home from Key West, I thought this would be a good time to reflect on how my views, understanding and general feelings have evolved over this past year.

As the BF and I sat on the couch and reflected on our vacation we also thought of our other getaways that we've had this year. Now I should say that we've always enjoyed our vacations even in prior years, but this year's vacations seemed to be especially enjoyable to us both.

The answer is really nothing new. It's the warmth of the people. You can stand in a regular bar and maybe the average person might talk to 2 or 3 or so people that they didn't already know. But if that same person was naked in the same bar surrounded with other naked men, he'd likely meet 20 to 30. Perhaps nudism just doesn't attract people that want to hide. Perhaps we just can't take ourselves quite too seriously as we stand there in our nakedness looking positively silly. If you can, try to recall having fun and playing when your an 8 year old kid. Remember the silliness and yet the absolute, true and simple fun that could come from almost anywhere at anytime. Somehow I believe that being naked kind of causes to regress into this state, but totally in a good way. It's just plain fun... well... and sexy, but I guess that's where the the 8 y/o analogy falls apart.

I find that most of us long for a sense of connectedness and a feeling of belonging. We want to be able to simply "be" while still being accepted and not judged. The irony of course is that the very things that we do to achieve these ends are those things that isolate us most. For example, to be accepted we try to be cool. Of course, this immediately alienates anyone that isn't as cool as we are. And even in the circles that have bought into our engineered coolness, there is the stress of maintaining appearances such that we hide behind our cool clothing/hair/lingo/etc. Nudism is not magic, but makes it easier to dispense with such things.

On occasion people have asked me if I am a nudist. I have trouble answering this not because I care what they think about it, but because the word seems to mean so much to so many. I mean, I don't have a political agenda. I don't necessarily think its practical for our society to completely dispense with clothing. And yet I do love being naked. I love being with others that are naked. Although I accept that we will forever live in a clothed society, I believe that our culture could benefit from a little more of the body-acceptance that nudism promotes. Oh yeah... and it's just simply fun.

Does that make me a nudist?

Key West

We spent the first half of the week in Ft. Lauderdale and Friday continued on to Key West. FTL was fun as always. The Social Whore didn't come since he already had another trip planned and was hosting a naked party in his apartment. I'm dying to see how it went because he has a modest-sized apartment and 113 people confirmed. I'm wondering how that worked out. I guess the more the merrier.

While in FTL we stayed at the Worthington again. What can I say? I like the place. We went to Club FTL for the first time which was pretty cool. It's funny how we'll go to a place like that while away and yet have never visited the local place in DC. We went to George's and collected yet more chips that we'll never cash in. There was the funniest guy from France named Phillipe at the guesthouse who locked himself out of his room. Being as nice as I am, I made sure that he knew that there was lots of room in my room... on top of me.

At Key West we met up with David, a guy we met at Folsom and met up with a couple of times since. He heard we were going and asked if he could crash in our room for a couple of nights. We all shared a full-sized bed, which actually worked out pretty well. We spent most of our time in the backyard of the Bourbon Street Pub, the Island house and Oasis. Of course I was naked everywhere we went. I have no idea where my clothes keep going to.

Best memories:

• Definitely the best memory was a 3-way with the BF and a latino named Fernando. I can't tell you how hot that was. So much so that the BF is still talking about it.
• Seeing the really gorgeous guys at the Island house. There was a gorgeous 6 ft 3 guy from our guesthouse that I probably spent way too much time with. I remember the latino boy with blond-dyed hair.
• There was a nude/underwear/foam party at the Bourbon St. Pub. Every time I looked over it looked so much fun that I just had to go in. So I alternated between getting all soapy followed by dips in the pool, drying off with a random towel then snuggling with the BF to keep warm. After a while, there was a lot of interesting thing happening in the back of the foam party which just made it all so much more inviting.

My Head is Exploding

This is very, very cool. That is, if you love math and hyper-theoretical concepts. Conceptually I've understood what dimensions are and how there could be more than 3 and even more than 4. But I've always considered thoughts of higher dimensions to be too unfamiliar to us bound by time and space and therefore unimaginable. I now see that I was wrong. Warning, you too may explode.