The idea of happiness is one that I have a lot of opinions on and have written about several times. Although I love much about our way of life, there is something severely warped about it all and chief amongst this is our incredible materialism. I especially loved the words of one person that wrote in about this:
I read (the) article you wrote titled, "Women Are Unhappy? And You're Surprised?" Great job! I was one of the unhappy 10 years ago. I had a great job, good marriage, nice house, kids, maids, etc, etc, but I was terribly unhappy. I began a journey that has brought me to where I am today (very happy and fulfilled). Funny thing is, I do not have any of the material crap that I had 10 years ago. I mean, I still have the kids, of course, but not the fancy corporate job with the stable paycheck and not the husband that looked good, but was not good for me. I now live in the country as a single Mom of 3 kids with no child support, scratching out her survival and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I wrote a book to try and encourage more people to do as I have, but I think it will appeal to women more than men. I am curious, as a man, do you think only women are unfulfilled with the empty material possessions we were told would make us happy? See, I think men are just as unhappy. Maybe not all of them, but I think a lot of the younger ones are. Perhaps you could do a follow-up article on the impact to men? Just a thought.It reminds me of the conversation between the mythical creature Grendal and the dragon that was suggested after expounding on the futility and meaninglessness of life, “See out gold and sit on it.” This too is what our culture has taught us and yet it is equally unsatisfying.
7 comments:
hi, normally i dont discuss happiness, as most people have their set ideas and would not be influenced by anything, so not much point discussing it.
i read his article via ur iinking to it, and his conclusion is very prescient.I think he has got it right. he says,
'As we carry these ideas forward about creating a life of greater meaning, satisfaction, happiness or well-being, it will be critical to keep in mind that each of us makes choices every day about how we respond to the circumstances in which we find ourselves. As many have discovered, the quality of your life experience may have less to do with what happens to you and more to do with how you choose to respond. And, sometimes, those choices actually wind up creating our circumstances, not just our experience of them'.
Couldn't agree more creating-my-life. I also know what you mean about people not being influenced on the topic. When I talk about how I see it, people look at me like I'm an alien.
I have to be honest though. Sometimes I wonder if happiness is more about brain chemistry than anything else. Of course I hope this isn't true, because I'd like not to believe that we are not powerless in this area. But still... sometimes I wonder...
hi, what is this brain chemistry u mention? are u saying that some people have their brain able to produce endophins or whatever that makes a person euphoric and happy whilst others are just unlucky and dont have brains that do that... is that what u mean when u say brain chemistry?
Yes, but I'm not saying I believe it, I'm just saying that sometimes I wonder.
It seems obvious to me that there are people blessed/cursed on either side of the equation. But I would like to believe that 90% or more of our fate rests within our own hands and that we have the ability to choose to be happy or not. But sometimes I wonder if brain chemistry such as endorphins or other natural imbalances dimish that 90% down to 80 or 70 or 50 or ...
I just don't know.
look at it another way, that it is the ability of all of us to make the brain produce those endophins by changing our response to things that occur. the basic mechanism of the happiness feelings are these endophins. We can get them by physical exercise, or other external stimuli, (sex comes to mind haha) but i think we can also produce them by just our mind alone, or via meditation, yoga or whatever. That way, u dont have to think of them as something outside ur control, but inherently a part of you and your happiness.
I agree with you that we have ways to influence our happiness, and yes, even our own brain chemistry. I also strongly agree that this is not well understood by many and greatly under-utilized.
However...
My question is are there some that have levels so low, such as a naturally-occuring genetic defect that suppresses the production serotonin and/or endorphins, so that either they're unable to produce enough of it?
I'm reminded of times when I've seen televised profiles of murderers or sexual criminals. In some cases they person grew up in an otherwise normal home and yet these traits manifested themselves at strikingly early ages. Sometimes these people have tried to change and have sought help and tried everything. I can relate to this because at one time I (as did most of us) did everything possible to change my sexual orientation. For me it is impossible because I'm just not built that way.
So I wonder if there are people in other situations that are not as benign as simply being gay who even when fighting their issues (such as depression and/or violent tendencies) can only hope to at best lessen the stregnth of these issues but can never fully overcome them.
this is an interesting point. the human condition is so varied and diverse, it would not surprise me if there are people like that, unable to produce those endophins and so are perpetually sad. I cannot conceive of an environment where being perpetually sad is a surivival advantage, haha, but there must be some situations long ago, where it is an advantage or sad people would have died out long ago. haha. just as i m sure there is survival advantages to being gay, or there would be no gay people existing now. Considering we dont have children, all gay traits would long ago have gone extinct if whatever makes us gay is not also very strongly needed for survival of the human race. so maybe being sad is also a survival trait that has lingered on. so maybe all this emphasis on being happy is misguided. there may be people who enjoy being sad. haha. we think they are to be pitied and should be helped to be happy. But think of it, if any straight keep telling us we gay guys should be straight, because that is the natural and desired aim in life, we gay people would resent that. so maybe a sad person might resent being told by all and sundry to be happy because that is the natural human desire.
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