Is it a Choice?

My Tivo captured an episode of the Tyra Banks show (its programmed to record anything having the word 'gay' in it) where she interviewed gay guys that hate being gay. The videos on YouTube are here. At the end of the show, Tyra asked:

"But the big question is, do you think that someone can ever really just stop
being gay?"

I thought that I'd answer that question here.

My answer might surprise you. The answer is both no and yes.

Speaking from the "gay" side, the problem is that we are assuming that everyone is just like us. However, the reality is that sexual orientation is not a binary, straight/gay issue. Consider the Kinsey Scale where Kinsey rated sexual orientation on a scale from 0 to 6. A '0' indicates that someone is exclusively heterosexual whereas a '6' indicate someone that is exclusively homosexual. The problem is that the gay community is predominantly composed of 5's and 6's. Why? Because we 5's and 6's are the most miserable trying to live a straight lifestyle and therefore more likely to come out. Of course for us 5's and 6's, it isn't even close to a choice and we wonder why this isn't as obvious to everyone else as it is to us. Why can't they understand that we can no more like women, than they can like men?

The reason that this argument can't work is that many of the people believing it is a choice do like men... or at least a little anyway. I think the people making this argument is most likely composed of the 2's, 3's and 4's. This means that they have probably had same-sex desires from time to time and perhaps even had an encounter or two. They really do choose. They can't choose who they're attracted to, but they can choose who they have sex with and enjoy that choice.

We'll ever convince them that our gayness is not a choice because their own life experiences, which they absolutely will never admit to, tells them otherwise. We will eventually win equality, but it won't by using this argument.

Leasons from Dubai

FYI: The photo has nothing to do with this posting nor with nudism. It's just a photo of myself from years past that always surprises me that I was ever that young.

I just read this article about about the rise and fall of Dubai. It reminded me of something that I have observed about our culture.

Have you noticed how we have morphed into a society that is driven by the appearance of happiness rather than happiness itself? I amazed at just how pervasive it is. I too am guilty of this but we must recognize the big lie if we are to move beyond it and pursue true happiness and fulfillment.

Here's an example of what I think is healthy living: (a) we seek happiness and fulfillment, (b) we determine those things in our life that would bring happiness and fulfillment, (c) we strive to do and/or achieve those things, and (d) our efforts perceived by others providing them images of our lives.

But the logic we taught to live by is perversely backwards. What really happens is: (a) we seek happiness, (d) we see images of others that "look" happy and (e) we try to replicate the things we see in those images.

The obvious problem is that we completely miss steps (b) and (c) which are the parts that enrich our lives. Furthermore, in this era of over-commercialization, every successful salesman knows how we make decisions and is barraging us with a constant stream of well endowed-, rich- and happy-looking people for us to emulate. Of course this inevitably means buying their product. It's the big lie and may represent the one of the biggest failings of western culture.

So what do I believe brings happiness? Well of course the details are different for everyone, but common aspects tend to be:

• We are happy when we are challenged; When not challenged at work, we can create constructive challenges personal lives; If we start feeling really comfortable chances are we're not doing something right


• We are happy when we engage in active activities


• We are happy when we learn and do new things


• We are happy when we have healthy and loving relationships with others such as family, friends, neighbors, partners and even strangers


• We are happy when we feel that we are doing something useful; This can be at work or volunteering or helping someone or anything else


• We are happy when we are pursuing what we love (see steps (b) and (c) above)

Don't not believe the lie.

Star Wars

A friend showed me this youtube video and I thought it was pretty cool. I like a guy whose not ashamed to look a little silly. Besides, he actually sounds really good and it doesn't hurt that he's cute too.

BSG

I just finished watching the latest, tivo'd episode of Battlestar Galactica and all I can say is wow! The first episode was slow, kinda like a warm up and the second and third were ok. Last week was the first good episode, but when taken together with this week's episode, I remember why I really love it all.

But before continuing... So I wanted to thank BSG for having the courage to make webisdoes of a gay main character just before they reveal him as a spiteful, misguided, treasonous asshole. Thanks a lot, that took courage.

Now onto this week. I kinda figured from the beginning that Sam would die (DAMN THEM!), or at least lose his new memories. I mean if he didn't, then we'd know everything and what would be the point of any more episodes right? One thing I've always loved about BSG is its ability to actually continue to progress the storyline without losing its appeal. I have to admit that I doubted a little at the start of this season, but once again I am a full believer.

Friday Night Out With the Boys

Had a fun night last night. A chef from Ireland was visiting town and the Social Whore had pre-woof cocktails in his honor. There were probably about 15 or 20 of there and we all had a good time just talking and laughing. It's a good group of guys and I love all of them.

Afterwards, we went to woof, but didn't really stay too long given the late start. Later we had dinner at Annies. Since Ziegfield's/Secrets was having their grand opening this weekend, four of us decided to try to go there. I figured that this was a bad idea when I saw that the line went all the way down the block. Then I knew just how bad it was when we realized that the line actually wrapped around the block and went another block. We bailed. The BF and I went to Omega.

At Omega I talked to several people I know and several I didn't. One guy in particular approached me soon after I arrived. He immediately berated Donna Summer's video, then disparaged everyone in the bar. I thought nice to meet you too. He returned later and as soon as he opened his mouth, frivolous negativity came pouring out again. He then started to look at good-looking black guy there that was being very friendly with a cutie Latino. Shamelessly he stood besides them in an overt attempt to lure the black guy away.

I don't really understand this, or perhaps I do and just don't like it. First, I find it both interesting and a little sad that someone who obviously craves human contact repels it so strongly by putting out such negativity. He said these things to me because he was interested in me. I can only wonder what he says to people he doesn't like. Secondly, it showed lack of life perspective to elevate the trivial failings he did as if they were monumental affairs. Third, I was taken by the shamelessness and complete lack of respect for others. Does he have any idea how his actions directly negatively impact that which he seems to want most? I don't think so, but I wish him the best.

Barcelona Planning (Update)

The funny thing is, one of the considerations I made in picking my apartment was to be reasonably close to the school. Well, guess what... the school has moved since I was there last! So the possibility of walking to school goes out the window. Oh well. It's still not all that far by metro.
On the positive side, the new school looks much better than the old one. It really looks to be a first class, modern structure that should add to the experience. Pictures from of the school are below.

Boy Has Baby

Update: It turns out the girl may have been sleeping with more than boy. Perhaps our boy wonder isn't the father after all.

A 13 year old boy, who looks more like 8, has a baby. Not really news, but sure makes for an interesting picture. Read the full article and see the video.

Phelps Stupidity

No, not for smoking marijuana, but rather everything that has happened since. But the crown for stupidity is awarded to Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to dedicate all of his manpower to bring to justice Phelps on a minor change or possession.

Joaquin Phoenix Strange Interview

I just watched this extremely strange clip of Joaquin Phoenix on David Letterman. It's so strange that the only thing I can think of is that he must be high on something or suffering some serious mental issues. What happened?

Update: Link changed from YouTube to NBC since it had been removed for copyright reasons.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

That's What It's All About

We used to live in new, large colonial home in northern Virginia. Four years ago, we left our beautiful home to move into a little apartment within the city that was less than a third of the size we were used to. My question is, which was better?

Our culture has taught us that more is better. That bigger, more modern and more sophisticated is better. I believe these ideas are inherently fallacious.

What does life mean? What kind of life do we want to have lived? These are questions that we all must, or at least should, ask ourselves. Each persons answer will be different so I am not saying everyone should leave the burbs. However, it is obvious to me that our culture is telling us to live a fundamentally unfulfilling lifestyle. We focus on things over people and relationships. We begin to define fun by acquiring/owning/having something rather than by doing something.

What makes me happy:

• Really knowing and connecting with people,
• Going to bed happy that I am someone that I can respect (it really doesn't matter if anyone else does),
• That brief moment with someone new when you feel that you've really connected even if it was only for a few minutes,
• Playing tennis or biking or basketball,
• Learning new things,
• Doing something good that improves the world in some small way,
• Bringing a smile to someone's face,
• Learning languages,
• Traveling to far away places and spending enough time to really get to know the place and its people,
• Helping others, and
• Anything that includes the BF.

Andrew you're bad!

Saturday Fun

This Saturday there was a party out at a couple's home in Maryland. They host periodic parties in their home. In the summer the parties start earlier with lots of beautiful naked men having fun by the pool and eating barbecue. During the colder months, the parties occur in their basement where they have a bigger and more professional setup than most commercial bars. The place is perfect for these parties.

With about 80 RSVP'd people, turnout was good. There was as much fun to be had as one could hope for, but that's not why I enjoyed it so much. I love the ambiance. I love it when people are open and accepting and engaged. Perhaps places where anything can happen brings out such openness, or perhaps it only attracts that are already open. Either way, I love it.

When I meet people, I often smile and ask "can I have a hug", then give them my most sincere, big hug. Why do I do this? Because we've all learned how to protect ourselves from the outside world too well, and a hug is one of the few socially accepted ways of piercing that veil ever so slightly. For me, it is my way of non-sexually inviting others into my space with warmth and acceptance.

Yesterday's party was great, because I hugged so many. Of course I don't just mean hugged, but sat with them and talked. Commiserated about the bad and laughed at the good. Last night I probably met about 20 new people or more. But more importantly I spent quality time in which we shared a little of ourselves together without about 7 or 8 people.

• I remember the young, very thin black guy (~24 y/o). I watched him over the course of the evening go from shy and fully clothed to stark naked. I remember his beautiful lips as we kissed goodbye.


• I remember the guy who has lived in various parts of South America and Europe for extended periods of time. We talked a lot in Spanish and discussed various aspects of Latin American as well as Spanish (from Spain) culture.


• I remember talking to the two who come in from Philadelphia and Wilmington. I had seen around several times before.

This is what I love about nudism: the openness it inspires in each of us.

Barcelona

Un amigo nuevo me ha mandando esté poema de Barcelona...

Es la que sueña despierta, ama y se deja querer,
tan mujer y tan hermosa, de ahí le viene su poder!

Ella tiene poder,
Ella tiene poder,
Barcelona es poderosa, Barcelona tiene poder,

Su paseo de Gràcia, es su poder!
Los niños que lloran, es su poder!
su justa palabra, es su poder!
y la flor de la rambla, es su poder!

Tennis

Today was my second day back on the court after taking a 2 month break. I'm still not playing very well, but that'll take probably a month before I get back up to a decent level. My timings not quite right, not quite moving as I should, sucking wind and battling two blisters. I said all that to say how much pure fun playing is and how happy I am to be playing again. I'll be playing every day that the temperature ventures near 50 degrees.

Read a Book

This is one of the most negatively produced positive videos I've seen. I have no idea what to make of it.

Warning, the video has a lot of racially objectionable language.



The creators of the video defend their work here. Really not sure what I think. On thing that bothers me is the use of the word 'Nigger' (no, I won't say N-word) when it's done by either whites or blacks. It is a term whose only purpose was to denigrate. Even when used between blacks today, I think it retains a little of the "separateness" that the original term implied... and we all no that separate but equal is not equal.

Curiosity, tell me what you think of the word 'nigger' when used between black people?

Barcelona Planning (Update)

So I've ditched the apartment I was looking at Barcelonetta only because the agency that is renting it has a lot of mixed reviews on the Internet. I was really looking forward to being so close to the beach, but oh well. Oh... and thanks for the nude, Barcelonian buddy that contacted me to let me know that Barcelonetta is totally safe.

Below are some pictures from the newest place I'm looking at. It is a really smalling studio apartment being only about 240 sq ft. But it seems perfect from me. It has Internet, which is critical since I plan to work remotely part-time while there. It also has a private bath, double bed/futon, washing machine, stove top, pots, pans, linen and a TV (Catalan TV basically plans hardcore porn after 11pm).

So far I've contacted the agency renting the apartment twice and they responded quickly and really answered my questions, which is a good sign. The other place never even responded. My final step is to figure out how to increase my confidence in the company. Their website is at http://www.barcelona-home.com/ so once again, if anyone knows anything, let me know.

So here are the plans while there:

• Take morning language classes at Don Quiote from 8 to 4 each day
• Work from 1 to 5 in the afternoon each day
• Spend lots of time at Mar Bella, which is the nude beach. The last time I was in BCN was during the fall months, so I never got to experience the beaches.
• Favorite bar: Dietrich
• Favorite disco dance club: Metro although i really want to try some of the Arena discos this time (Update: Ever since I first visited, I keep calling dance clubs discos because that's how they refer to them)
• I want to spend at least one weekend down in Sitges
• I also wouldn't mind traveling by rail for another weekend somewhere. Perhaps Madrid, Vallencia or even Cap d'Agde although that's a little bit of a hike. Maybe even taking the ferry to Ibiza for a weekend would be nice.

Question: If you know of a place that you'd recommend or an event that I should do, please let me know.

Wide angle lens view of the studio apartment. You can't quite see this from here, but the table abuts a wall that sticks out. Behind this wall is the kitchen.

Kitchen contains: refrigerator, microwave, sink, stove, washing machine and cutlery.

Private bathroom contains a shower.

Shared terrace. Think I dare go nude here?

Street view. Born is a couple neighborhoods over from Las Ramblas. It's pretty convenient to the beach, the Don Quiote, Eixample (gay area) and metro.

Inappropriate Palin Joke

I felt really good about myself until I insensitively laughed at this joke when someone told it to me last night.

Thoughts on Stimulus and the Financial Crisis

Have you ever noticed how people try to spin things when they have an agenda? A common phrase touted by the Republicans as they oppose the stimulus package has been, "borrowing got us into this mess so how do we think more borrowing will get us?"

First let me say what I agree with. Yes, our debt is crippling. Yes, we as a nation and as individuals live beyond our means because it is unsustainable.

But this is not what caused the financial crisis. The crisis was caused by:

• Unregulated greed. Greed is one of the greatest inspirers of innovation. But we need rules to ensure that everyone plays on a level playing field.
• Imbalanced risk versus rewards. If the same person or entity that benefits from a good decision will also suffer the consequences of a bad decision, by an large, that entity does a better job at considering the risk. In the current crisis, we had mortgage brokers who got money for making loans, but suffered no consequence if they wrote a loan to someone they knew couldn't pay. The banks didn't care as long as they thought they could sell the load on the secondary market to Fannie and Freddie.

So what should we do about the current crisis. I believe we gotta come big. I believe the risk of doing too little far outweighs the risks of doing too little. I believe most people mistakenly believe that life will continue only because it has done so for their whole lives. I believe that major changes can and do happen. All great empires wane and at some point, so too will America at some point. This crisis has the signs of a cataclysmic event that could greatly change the world and our place in it, so the risks are too great. Is the Democratic plan the right one? Honestly I have no idea and don't believe that anyone really knows. Even the world class economists are just providing educated guesses based on classroom "schools of thought".

However, once the crisis is averted (fingers crossed), we must address the deficit. And I hate to say it, but we can't do that by just reducing pork/earmarks. Pork just makes up too little of the budget to make a dent. We must address, restructure or reduce:

• Social Security,
• Medicare, and
• Defense.

Without talking these three, talks about balancing the budget are meaningless.

Naked Coctails - RIP

Well, it's official... one of the areas most reliable, repeating gay, nude activities has come an end. The bi-monthly, Saturday afternoon, nude cocktail party at a local bar is no more. It was my first introduction to nudity after returning from Barcelona and I've talked about here, here, here, here, here and here.

I've always wondered how the bar managed to hold this even given the DC's strict liquor license rules. Although I do think this played a minor part, strangely enough I believe what doomed the long-running event was a fear that patrons could be fined and/or arrested. This made no sense to me, so I looked it up in both the DC Penal Code and Alcoholic Beverage Control Regulation.

DC Penal Code section §22-1312 talks about "lewd, indecent or obscene acts." Upon further investigation, this pertains to exposing oneself in public as well as sex acts. The naked cocktails had a doorman and access was restricted to registered members of the group.

ABRA has many statements regarding nude performers and dancers, but nothing on nude patrons. It has nothing requiring certain articles of clothing except for performers. If you're a geek like me, read it and note the following:

• Chapter 8 entitled "Enforcement, Infractions and Penalties" only applies to liquor sellers, not patrons.


• Search for key words: "nud*", "cloth*", penis, pubic, naked and other related words. All references are explicitly tied to performers or dancers


• Read Chapter 7 entitled "Standards of Operation" in full.


• Read Chapter 10 entitled "Limitations on Consumers" in full. Interesting note for future use: § 25-1009 says you can get a $300 fine for drinking and operating a horse-drawn carriage.

So the only patron-related ramifications are the in the Penal Code and are only enforceable if there is a reasonable expectation that it will be seen by the public.

Ironically, I always thought the bar was on somewhat shaky grounds, but in the end it was the fear generated by rumors of the groups members that ultimately caused the event's downfall.

The event ran at times monthly and at other times bi-monthly for 5 1/2 years. I am happy to have been a part of it for exactly one year. Rest in peace naked cocktails, we'll miss you.

Update: Upon subsequent reflection, I think my tenor might have been slightly misleading. DC still has a good amount of activities for gay nudists like myself. In fact, one member has already invited some to an alternative get-together and another has volunteered to host it in the future. My lament is that I appreciated the routine-ness of the event that I fear will likely be lost. The notion of doing something so normal as standing in a bar, but nude. The idea is that even if no one makes any specific plans, even if there's nothing going on, every other Saturday there was naked cocktails.

Male Blog

I've been asked to participate in a blog named Male. The premise is a variety of perspectives and thoughts from various bloggers on various topics related to our life journeys and what it means to be male.

Feel free to stop by and check it out.

How Stupid Are We

This is absolute insanity. It's weed! Not murder! It kills less people than either alcohol or tobacco and much less addictive than either. Give the guy a break. If this is the worst thing Michael Phelps has done in his life, then he truly should be role model.

I Love Toasters

Palinacins

This is sad, but I guess predictable. As the Republicans try to chart there course out of the wilderness, we have their new (and first black) chair of the RNC basically playing partisan ball by exhorting his members to resist everything Obama. I guess that shouldn't be too much of a surprise since the party chairmen are always hyper-partisan by nature of the position.

But this article is even worst. It suggests that the Republicans constituents still standing are those that were most ardent in the support for Bush and everything red. They are the ones that believe that they lost because they weren't hardcore enough. And they have spoken, and the name of their future is Palin. Sad, but I guess its part of the necessary stages of grief that they must go through.

Barcelona

A while ago, I decided that I would be taking another extended trip to my favorite city. I've cleared it with the BF and the job. I'll be going to BCN for 5 weeks in June and July. The BF is still trying to decide if he'll join me for the final week. I'll be continuing my language immersion classes for 4 hours a day and working my job remotely. I'm thinking to rent an apartment short-term that has Internet.

After lots of research into apartments, one of my final location picks is Barcelonetta. It is a very strange place very near to the nude, gay beach. Of course, there are no real nude beaches in Spain since nudity is technically legal everywhere as long as you don't create a scene. Hmm, I might have to think of ways to exploit this...

Barcelonetta is a little scary though. The streets are incredibly narrow and lined with 10 story buildings with the days laundry strung between them. It probably only seems scary because the building seem so close in. It's not like El Barri Gotic or El Rival, whose streets are left over from midevil times. These streets are actually in very straight grid format. Since I was in BCN in 2007 for a good while, I definitely know of some neighborhoods that I don't want to live, but am not quite sure about Barcelonetta. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE IF ANYONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT SAFETY IN BARCELONETTA, LET ME KNOW. The only other place with holiday apartments in my price range was close to Placa Espanyol. Although PE is only a couple of metro stops away from the city center, it's not walking distance to anything I'm interested in... well except the clay tennis courts at Monjuic.

A friend that I haven't seen in about 7 years contact me last week and invited me to join him in Nicaragua in June where he owns beach-front property near a small town. I'm kinda tempted to go there for a week, before going to BCN, but I really haven't seen him in forever and he is a little... er... unorthodox. I'd probably feel better about it if we met up and re-established our friendship first, but he lives in Philly and I'm in the process of buying plane tickets. It would probably be fun though.

Incoherent Blatherings About Boring Stuff

Today was a great day. It just felt great. The temperature got up to an unseasonable 60 degrees and the BF and I started the day by going out to a local diner for breakfast. Later, I decided to break my 2 month tennis hiatus a little earlier than planned. I went out and hit for about an hour and a half. Of course I was pretty rusty, but what really shocked me was that I was way more winded that I thought I should've been. Wow, how fast I can get out of shape!

Later the BF and I went to Results to work out. I'm pretty even keeled emotionally, but I've noticed that strenuous, physical exercise always has a positive impact on my demeanor. I felt great. I sure hope my tennis elbow doesn't return so that I can start playing regularly again.

Last night I got a call from Kitty. Kitty is a mixed-race black guy (yes, he's a guy), and he wanted to meet up for an early dinner at CPK. The BF and I met up with him and his best friend D. D is supposedly straight and I actually believe him even if he seems more gay than most gay guys do. I think he's probably mostly straight with a little sugar added for good measure. D had changed his hair style to a mohawk and was looking way better than I had remembered.

After dinner we all went back to our place for drinks and conversation and in-between watched the Lost marathon playing on G4. I had never watched this channel and found their channel promotional spots pretty funny and slightly disturbing. The pop-up chat room was also a little weird since it always pops up just when you're really getting into the show. Later we all took out my extensive sexy underwear collection and played dress-up because Kitty told us that he had never wore a thong. D was walking around in a yellow jockstrap and a straw hat and looked hilarious. It was a fun night.

Friday night I had invited a different 20-something friend to join us a Cobalt. He pretty much acted like an ass from the moment he walked in and committed one of my cardinal sins, which is being rude to a good friend of mine. The fact that he was rude to a friend is beside the point, I just have a problem with people that don't consider others enough to treat them as a living being. I winded up kind of letting him sulk in a corner for a while, until he finally decided he would engage and pulled me upstairs. Not going into details, but as I thought about it the following day, I appreciated his behavior even much less. I actually did have a good time, mainly because I left him to sulk alone for a while. Later that night we ate and went to JRs, where I had a really good time talking with Jack. He's such a cute sweetie so I always enjoy talking with him.

I fear that the local nude scene seems to have slacked a little recently. I hope that it's just be the weather. The bi-weekly cocktail party may be in danger. Currently I think there's one scheduled for next Saturday, so I guess we'll find out then how's it going. The last party was a little dampened because the establishment were it is held have some business licensing fears and clamped down on physical contact. I understand the no sex or sex acts rules, but they pretty much stopped all contact below the nipples. One of the things that I love about all male nudity is the openness and lack of hangups, but this is severely dampened if you have to be more guarded nude than you would've been in a normal clothed gay setting. Oh well. It was hard for me to relax in that atmosphere, but after a while I did and actually enjoyed it.

Lastly back to tennis, I loved Nadal's win at the Australian open. I just can't get enough of him. I always route against Federer, but it was really kind of hard watching him cry like that. I really felt for him.

So What!

For the record, I have nothing against marijuana, but don't smoke it and except for twice in my many years, never have.

That said, I wanted to comment on an article that I came across that talks about a picture that surfaced of Michael Phelps smoking marijuana using a bong.

1. He's just a kid. I don't mean this in a bad way. I mean of course he's not perfect and bound to have done at least a few dumb things. So what?
2. Besides, our irrational attitudes toward marijuana make no sense anyway. Look at the scientific evidence. Drinking and smoking are much worse in just about every way you can imagine. Sure some may argue it's a "gateway" drug, but I'd say that alcohol is much, much more so.